Laws of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural 
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original 
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of “laws” that 
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope 
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good 

#1 – Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 – Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is 
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. 
* Some things have been known to “Float” for a few seconds before plummeting to hit 
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 – Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud 
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 – Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust 
equals constant velocity.

#5 – Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a 
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects 
known to human science.

#6 – Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero 
whenever he does something “cool” or “impressive”. Time slows down when friends and 
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 – First Law of Temporal Mortality- “Good Guys” and “Bad Guys” both die in one of 
two ways – either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out 
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human 
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime 
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg 
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in “Malletspace”, or something.

#8 – Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die… 
regardless of physical damage. Even when the “Bad Guys” are killed so quickly they 
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is 
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 – Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are 
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color 
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 
”Good Guy” kicks the “Bad Guy” in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. 
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first. 
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to 
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, 
sometimes referred to as “The Matchstick City”.

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly 
referred to as an energy “bulge”) before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because 
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the 
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any 
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. 
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also 
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of 
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a “Good Guy” when operating any form 
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 
”Bad Guys” when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot 
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A “Good Guy” in a 
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and 
several battalions of “Bad Guys” firing on a “Good Guy” standing alone in the middle 
of an open field will always miss. 
First Corollary- The more “Bad Guys” there are, the less likely they will 
hit anyone or do any real damage. 
Second Corollary- Whenever a “Good Guy” is faced with insurmountable odds, 
the “Bad Guys” line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a 
single burst of automatic fire and then escape. 
Third Corollary- Whenever a “Good Guy” is actually hit by enemy fire, it is 
in a designated “Good Guy Area”, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, 
which restricts the “Good Guy” from doing anything more strenuous than driving, 
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex 
martial arts maneuvers. 
*Fourth Corollary- The more times the “Bad Guy” fires, the fewer times he 
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The 
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs 
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, 
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at 
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not 
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work 
just as well…

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and 
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped 
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a 
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes 
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t…

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little 
things… like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost 
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, 
either as a really nasty skinny “Bad Guy” or a big stupid “Good Guy”. 
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb 
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line 
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American 
translators are the American editors and censors. 
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome 
”Good Guys”.

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly 
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 
1) be female. 
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. 
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of 
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and 
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate 
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of 
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing 
aura. This aura is usually blue for “Good Guys” and red for “Bad Guys”. This is 
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are 
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is 
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or 

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and 
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical 
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s 
hair is the same way you deal with demons… with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable 
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of 
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive 
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off 
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, 
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the 
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably 
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. 
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to 
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. 
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer 
invulnerable to any form of damage. 
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is 
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, 
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice 
attack… Unless it’s a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of 
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, 
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more “simple” 
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so 
on… especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called “The Five-man Rule”, when “Good 
Guys” group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic 
positions, which are: 
1) The Hero/Leader 
2) His Girlfriend 
3) His Best Friend/Rival 
4) A Hulking Brute 
5) A Dwarf/Kid 
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 
1) Extreme Coolness 
2) Amazing Intelligence 
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an 
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from 
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious 
dimension is commonly called “Malletspace”. 
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a 
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is 
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released 
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in 
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are 
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is 
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the 
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat 
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely 
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the 
less you get and vice-versa. 
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real 

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get 
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though… the current 
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see 
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush 
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal 
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it 
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a 
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of 
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the 
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” 
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to 
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy 
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some 
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or 
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind 
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or 
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, 
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the “Pikachu Effect”). 
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, 
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) 
to be standing in the “Walking Against the Wind” stance, with his/her eyes shut and 
letting out a pathetic “Aaaaagh!”, and yet they are never harmed. This may be in 
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will 
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform 
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as 
the “Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor”) This is because he always deserves it, and will 
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)

*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are 
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY 
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). 
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and 
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of 
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any “Bad Guys” 
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack 
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the “Dragon Slave 

*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters 
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or 
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons 
for this are: 
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 
2) They just don’t give a damn. 
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: 
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 
3) They just don’t give a damn.

+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, 
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. 
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, 
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying 
pan or something.

+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and 
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power 
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any “Bad Guy” with Omnipotent powers/weapons 
will never use those powers/weapons against the “Good Guy” until it is too late. 
First Corollary- All “Bad Guys” suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome 
which require all “Bad Guys” to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use 
it against the “Good Guy”. 
Second Corollary- No “Bad Guy” may use any new, secret, or superior military 
device without one of the following events occurring: 
a) The control device being broken. 
The control device being taken by the “Good Guy”. 
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just 
”fooled” by the “Good Guy”. 
d) The “Bad Guy” has already lost and cannot use the device.

+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of 
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, 
resulting in two outcomes: 
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me 
A negative charge will result in the 
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition 
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate 
when compared to “standard” or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 
for speaker pods)

+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s 
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. 
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing 
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot 
couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an 
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, 
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single 
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years 
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the 
few… of even the one.

+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be 
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall 
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. 
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the 
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually 
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can 
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the 
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- 
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater 
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse 
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity “jumping”. 
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian “opposite force” (in accordance to 
normal downward velocity; “Earth gravity” speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also 
inversely proportional to the “actual” speed of the airborne entity. In all 
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot 
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. 
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a “Bad Guy”. Then the law exhibits a 
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing 
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the 
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the “Good Guy’s” Style Coefficient must be 
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does 
not happen, the “Bad Guy” inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads 
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by 
an exponential increase in the “Good Guy’s” Style Coefficient.

+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the 
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through 
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. 
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which 
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant 
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at 
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and 
lethality of the maneuver. 
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or 
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not 
always apply to “Bad Guy” characters, or “Good Guy” characters in situations where 
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of 
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any 
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding 
increase in the “Good Guy’s” Style Coefficient, not only does the “Bad Guy” usually 
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in 
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a 
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly 
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often 
referred to as “The Rushing Background Effect”. Due to the increase in brain 
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in 
slow motion.

+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male 
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at 
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an 
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of 
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and 

+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head 
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the 
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages 
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to 
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking 
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the 
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly 
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When 
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime 
characters will either: 
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and 
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a 
position to ravish beautiful girls, or 
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can 
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a 
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around 
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick 
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the 
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)

+#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST 
capable of dealing with it.

*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial 
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with 
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just 
doesn’t work in real life…

*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is 
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a 
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain 
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole 
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if 
you’re normally a klutz.

*#82- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become 
First Corollary- Any “Bad Guy” stating “T-that’s impossible!” whenever the 
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he 
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

*#83- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed 
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could 
accomplish… but his old teacher did!

*#84- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire 
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see 
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

*#85- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in 
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won 
against the “Good Guy” (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they 
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. 
Usually this results in: 
a) The hero escaping. 
Clean-up for the underlings. 
c) The villain getting toastied.

*#86- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

*#87- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance 
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them 
introducing themselves.

*#88- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at 
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! 
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a 
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the 
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following 
him around is there because: 
1) It’s his girlfriend’s. 
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 
3) Chicks will dig him more. 
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by 
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, 
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal 
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 
1) It’s her boyfriend’s. 
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 
3) It makes her look cool.

*#89- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability 
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like 
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as “Dumb Luck”), even though 
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the 
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

*#90- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, 
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage 
begins to occur. 
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it 
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the “A-ko/B-ko 

*#91- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that 
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being 
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the “Priss Effect”.)

*#92- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or 
spaceborne, have the following crew members: 
1) The captain 
2) His Lieutenant 
3) Various female technical staff 
4) A hotshot pilot 
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 
6) The Doctor 
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) 
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 
1) Extreme coolness/luck 
2) Amazing Intelligence 
3) Incredible irritation 
4) Extreme cuteness 
5) Irresponsible drunkenness 
6) Homophobicness 
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

*#93- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest 
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said 
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. 
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At 
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so…

*#94- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.


3 comments on “Laws of Anime

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